The Eye Opener: Funny

Funny

YOU TOO CAN BE A HOLOHOAX SURVIVOR - FOR PROFIT!!!

NOTE: Do not print this out if you reside in Austria; Belgium; France; Germany; Israel; Spain or Switzerland.

WARNING To People in Austria; Belgium; France; Germany; Israel; Spain and Switzerland. You can be fined, imprisoned or both for discussing the topics set forth in this article.

HOLOHOAX DENIAL = FREE SPEECH ALA ISRAEL

YOU TOO CAN BE A HOLOHOAX SURVIVOR JUST LIKE HERR WEASALTHAL!

Becoming a Holocaust survivor will open millions of new horizons for you! A wide range of specialty fields in Shoah Business are open to you through the college of Hebrew Youth Public Education (H - Y - P - E.)

Learn DOCUMENTATION ALTERATION where you can make ANYONE into a wanted Nazi war criminal! Special instruction from former Soviet KGB operatives, the folks who gave our industry the famous, one-of-a-kind "Demjanjuk SS ID card"!

Major in KOSHER ACCOUNTING, the most creative number-crunching system ever evolved, where everything adds up to six million!

Make your fortune in the lucrative field of REPARATIONS RACKETEERING! Learn how to extort money from the European country of your choice by finding "Nazi gold" hidden in every bank account!

Get into the incredibly profitable HOLOCAUST BOOK BUSINESS! A hook nose and one of our diplomas will certify you as a HOLOCAUST EXPERT. In addition to the book sales there are the lecture tours, the media appearances, the guest speaker circuit at fancy - schmancy Holocaust drinkie - doo's, and above all those eye-popping CONSULTANCY FEES! Being a recognized Holocaust maven is a license to print money!

Learn HOLOCAUST MUSEUM MANAGEMENT and have your own personal fantasy land! Maybe even build your own Holocaust theme park complete with weekend package tours in an authentic replica Nazi concentration camp, complete with striped suits, wash-off tattoo numbers, and SS-uniformed" guards"!

Like to travel? Then become a professional WAR CRIMES WITNESS!

At graduation from HYPE you will receive a diploma, a tattoo (your social security number, but no one will ever be so impolite as to point it out), and your MEAL TICKET FOR LIFE!

Fairy tales CAN come true! It can happen to you at Hebrew Youth Public Education...

So don't hesitate, call HYPE today @ 1-666-JEW-LIAR

Adolf Hitler's Death - CoverUps.com

DID HITLER ESCAPE THE BUNKER?

Because of the fact that Hitler's corpse was never found, rumors, stories and myths have proliferated since the end of World War Two. For many years after the end of World War Two there were more sightings of Hitler, alive in South America, than of Elvis at Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets in the deep South.

Certainly the fires of rumor were fanned by the fact that Stalin informed Truman, Byrnes and Leahy over lunch in Potsdam on July 17, 1945 that "Hitler had escaped."

Keep in mind, this is the same Stalin who also claimed that the Russians had possession of Hitler's corpse.

He also claimed, or Russian KGB files claimed, that Hitler was captured alive, taken to the Soviet Union, and held in a prison/hospital for many years.

So, at one time or another, Stalin/the Russians claimed:

A. Hitler escaped alive from Berlin.
B. Hitler's corpse was found and seized by the Russians.
C. Hitler, alive, was transported to the Soviet Union and kept there, secretly, for years.

http://www.coverups.com/hitler/index.htm

A Pakistani arrives in Houston, Texas. All excited, he stops the first person he meets. "Good day, Mr. American, thank you to accept me in your nice country, and..."

The person interrupts and says: "I am not American, I'm Chinese "

The Pakistani continues on his way and meets another passer-by: "Thank you Mr. American for to let my family and me stay here..."

Again, he is interrupted before finishing his sentence: "American, no !! Mexicano Nationale. See, still wet..."

The Pakistani continues on his way and meets another passer-by: "Mr. American, me thank you for hospitality you give..."

Again, he is interrupted before finishing his sentence: "But my friend, don't you see that I am black? I am African, not American"

"But", answers the Pakistani distressed, "where are the Americans??"

The African looks at his watch and says: "The Americans are all at work."

Thanks Joe!

10 TRUTHS WHITE PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE DON'T KNOW:

1. Hickey's are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

11 TRUTHS WHITE PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE DON'T KNOW:

1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
11. Who their daddy is.

Thanks Joe!

Crop Circles Explained

When Bill Masterson unearthed an old WW2 German bunker while drilling a well on his farm, he never imagined what he had found!

Documents from the bunker describe a Nazi spy communication scheme that was heretofore unknown. The documents describe signals used by the Nazis that match the crop circles found in England.

With this new information, English authorities have determined that there are at least five, and possibly as many as twenty, Nazi spies still at large in England. By decoding the circles, they are desperately in need of clean socks, smokes and "enigma oil" (whatever that is).

Apparently, these spies had lost communication with their German handlers and believe the war is still going on. Without receiving the proper "halt" codes, these spies assume that news of the German defeat and war end are lies and propaganda.

English authorities are considering various methods to convince the spies to "halt" but progress on uncovering them is likely to be slow, as there is a large population in England in need of clean socks.

Chuckle.